8.22.2011

I see it.
I see it but I can't reach it.
Can you see it?
No?
Am I the only one?
Is it an illusion?
I'm alive, right?
I can feel the roughness of the tree trunks.
Can you?
I can smell the sweet and sour aromas the fruit gives.
Do you?
I can taste the morning glory of this day.
And you?
And I can hear the lovely melody of the birds.
But... am I the only one that can see it?
Can anyone believe me?
There's still hope among us.

8.22.2011

Another lonely night and you're still in my thoughts.
Who are you?
What do you want?
I'm not here right now, and perhaps never will.
It's that mysterious scent you give when I see you.
The trembling feeling I get when you speak.
I swear I can hear the mountains shake when you walk by me.
Oh if you only knew...
But what do I know?
If the only thread of hope I had is now lost.
If each beat my heart gave called out for patience.
Even the thunder of the sky would shout your name.
Who do you think you are to think of intruding like this?
What do you have in mind?
Get up.
Get your thoughts together and leave me.
There is nothing here for you...nothing or no one.
May the sky be blue again, and may the sun shine strong and bright.
May you disappear and let the birds do their nesting.
Leave for ever so I can live my life.
Go, run, fly and never come back.

8.21.2011

My heart aches but my conscience hurts more.
The thought of you is in me, constantly.
If there was an antidote to this feeling, I'd want two dozes... one is not enough.
The memories linger as I breathe, blink and sigh.
But then I pray and seek his refuge and it's all gone.
If memory serves me right I once was happy...
Truly happy, but then I woke up and realized the sad truth.
My subconscious was speaking to me, screaming at me, loud and clear.
I decided to open my ears and take off the blind fold.
Life took a 180 and it was the hardest.. it IS the hardest thing I've ever done.
It was January and we are in August, almost September and it's still hard.
HE will give me the strength.
With him I will survive.
I will hold HIS hand and I will let him guide me.

¿Entendido?

Se acuerda que estaba sentada y era difícil entender lo que estaba pensando pero todavía lo pensaba y lo creía. En ese entonces solo tenía 23 años.

Ahora a sus 11 días antes de cumplir 29 todavía piensa lo mismo pero aun no lo entiende.

Quizá es su falta de fe en sí misma. Su falta de auto-estima en sí misma. Su falta de amor en sí misma. Quizá es el miedo que le corre entre sus venas y que ha corrido entre ellas desde cuando tenía 23.

Sea lo que sea de algo está seguro, todavía no lo entiende.

Aquí vamos 29.

Aprende

My weakness: the Heart.
My fear: the Mind listening to the Heart.

Why do we insist? Because we Love.

~Marv.

(typed up back in 2006 and it was left as a 'draft' and yet I still feel the same...)